The Heart ・心

By Anonymous

者：匿名

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日本語：

摂食障害は痩せたいからではない、私の感情をなくす唯一の発散方法。

誰にも言えない感情を食べて食べて食べて吐く。

みんなのわたしを演じる。

本当のわたしがわからない。

家族からも理解されず、相談できる相手もいない。

過食嘔吐に悩み、過食嘔吐に救われている。

いつかお別れできたら。

世間の中で摂食障害＝ダイエットとなっている。

人それぞれ、違う。

どんな症状であれ当事者の人たちが少しでも、ほんの少しでも、心が休まる場所がありますように。

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English:

My eating disorder was never simply about wanting to be thin.

It became the only way I knew how to escape from feelings I didn’t know what else to do with. To numb everything.

I eat and eat and eat, trying to swallow emotions I can’t tell anyone about, and then I throw it all back up.

I play the version of myself everyone expects me to be.

Sometimes, I don’t even know who the real me is anymore.

No one understands, and I don’t feel like I have anyone I can truly talk to.

I suffer because of bingeing and purging, and at the same time, I rely on it to get me through.

I deeply desire a time in which I’ll be able to let it go.

Eating disorders are so often reduced to dieting or wanting to lose weight.

But every person’s experience is different.

Whatever form an eating disorder takes, I want everyone living with one can find somewhere, even just one place, where their brain can finally be at ease.